This guide is for you if you don’t know what you want. Or desires seem to be there, but there is no energy in them and they are very similar to a mandatory program: eat, wash, watch TV, stare at the phone. The main criterion is all this without spark and pleasure. This is usually the result of a decision made in childhood. When you repeatedly failed to get what you wanted. Or you have been judged, rejected, or punished for your desires. Another option is overprotective and anxious parents who knew for you what you needed and acted aggressively.
Excellence is a continuous process and not an accident
To grow, people need to be challenged
Why change something?
To feel alive. To enjoy. To enjoy what you do. In general, desires are one of the main types of fuel on this planet. Convinced?
Let’s say convinced. What to do?
I have two news for you – good and bad.
You are doing better than you think you are
The bird is powered by its own life and by its motivation
The bad news: you’ve been training to ignore your desires for 20, 30, and some for 40 years (serious experience!). In order to change this habit, you need to constantly return to practice for some time, several approaches will obviously not be enough. The good news is that all people want while they are alive, so you already have desires, you just need to find them. The human brain is plastic and you can learn a new skill if you follow the instructions. It usually takes about 30 days to develop such a skill. Believe me, the result is worth it.
Preparation: install a program on your phone that will remind you of the practice every hour. Any interval timer will work for this purpose. The program should work all day, from morning to evening. Is it possible without the program? It is possible, but you will forget and everything will end in nothing.
When you hear a reminder, you should stop, listen to your feelings and answer three questions:
What are my bodily sensations?
What do I feel now (feelings, emotions, states)?
What do I want now?
Why these particular questions?
“What are my bodily sensations?”
Say yes to everything
Do what you love
Body sensations must be accessed in order to get out of the head, where most people spend their lives, and find themselves, and not ideas about themselves. A very useful skill, by the way. Feelings are the most important component of life, if you are not in touch with them or cannot recognize them, most likely it will be difficult to deal with desires. Well, in general – the topic of emotional intelligence is now sold on every corner, but this is for starters – the ability to detect and name your feelings. You have two new skills – to turn attention to yourself and to distinguish signals (at first, perhaps quite weak) that speak of your condition and your desires. This is the very “contact with oneself” about which psychologists endlessly repeat.